Our due date is less than four weeks away and the chances of going into labor much shorter than that. The nursery is ready—or ready enough, at least, with little clothes washed and folded and little diapers sitting on the changing table and a little bassinet filled with cozy blankets ready for our boy. The downstairs freezer has a dozen meals ready to be thawed and dumped in a crockpot. There’s a suitcase packed and ready in our room. We’re having a baby, this is really happening, and with every wild kick and extra stretch of belly, I believe it more and more. I have had so many emotions in pregnancy, so many feelings, sometimes I’ve been afraid to let myself think about them. There are always temptations to fear and worry in life, about income and about health and about relationships and about all the unknowns, and pregnancy sort of ups all those possibilities a little bit. Suddenly you’re responsible for another human being, one that’s not only yours and growing inside of you but also fairly helpless and incredibly vulnerable. I have so many hopes for him already. I want to love him well, to see him as a person, to know him as an individual and not what I want him to be. I want to serve him and love him and see this new season as a privilege and joy rather than as a burden, and I hope God helps me do this.
When I pray for him, I ask God to let him grow up to see and know Jesus and to love Him, more than we do, with greater joy, and to help me believe that is all and only what he needs. I pray that the same God who has loved me and Tim so well, who has cared for us through the years when we thought we’d never have money to get engaged or a be able to find a decent place to rent or have income to pay our bills each month, the same God who drew so near to us when we lost our first baby, who comforted us with such great comfort, would be the protector and provider and sustainer of this new Mallon, too.
A week or two ago, I was measuring small at a prenatal checkup and so we had to have a second ultrasound we weren’t expecting, kind of all of a sudden, and when we drove down to Brentwood, both of us quiet in the car, I kept thinking about how, even at 30+ weeks pregnant, I have to keep my hands open with this baby and entrust him to the One who is giving him to us for a time. The scan turned out to be perfect, Baby’s even measuring a bit ahead, Mama’s just tall and small I guess, but I am thankful we had to go in and have it because it reminded me of the thing I will be doing over and over again with this little one, loving and enjoying him while also holding him loosely and releasing my grip. I wanted to jot this all down here on this first day of June, hopefully Baby’s birth month (!!), to someday look back and remember where my head was in these final pregnancy days, in between reading and planning and dreaming and hoping and, over and over again, hurling myself and my burdens on the only One who can carry them. These are sweet days and I am thankful for them and none of them are coming because of something good that I have done. He is kind.
Baby’s Little Gray and White Nursery and Its Sources
(because I had a mild obsession with posts like these a few months ago and links were so helpful!)
Also worth remembering: Every time I walk in this room, I am hit with the grace we’ve been given from friends and family the last few months. Literally like 80% of this room came as gifts to us. Overwhelming.
Crib: Babyletto Modo in Grey, gift from my parents, who spent much time choosing this model from crib mattress comparisons charts and it shows!
Mattress: Sleep E-Z Natural Latex Crib Mattress, probably the most extravagant part of the nursery, also a gift from my parents, and it is SO NICE
Elephant Print: Custom-made for us by my brother, exactly how I wanted it, printed as a $4 engineer print at Staples and framed in this cheap white Target poster frame
Mobile: Handmade crib mobile on Etsy, which ended up being a lot smaller than I’d expected, so I bought a wooden embroidery hoop at Michael’s and used natural-colored string to sort of lengthen and extend the piece a bit
Fox Stuffed Animal: Flynn the Fox from Sugar Bits, thanks to a Nashville Mom giveaway
Mid-Century Rocker: Amazon, gifted to us from our friend Jared
Elephant Stuffed Animal: purchased from the vendor next to us at the Mother Earth News Fair in April, Cherub’s Blankets
Rug: Target, thanks to gift cards from friends and family
Dresser: Target, thanks to gift cards from friends and family
Ceiling Light: IKEA
Mid-Century Lamp: Found at a garage sale
Family Frames: IKEA
Bassinet: Tadpoles All Natural Organic Moses Basket with an organic mattress pad, both made possible as gifts from friends
Bassinet Stand: Rocking Moses Basket Stand Natural
Rocker: this one from IKEA, which Tim turned into a rocker using this tutorial
Ottoman: cotton twisted rope pouf
Bookshelves: Clear Displays